maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
