what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Someone shattered a urinal.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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