all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
