Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
