did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
