sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
