and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
