Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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