I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
