Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
3pm strippers are depressing
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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