i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm determined to sit on that face.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
