You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
