Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
