I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
