So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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