So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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