The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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