If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
