you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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