honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
