that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
