I like my sex mixed with concussions.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
