Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
