Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
