i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
