She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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