I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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