Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize