a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
