I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
