uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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