worst night to have a conscience
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
