i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
