You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
