Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
