your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Your cock deserves a montage
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
