So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
