im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
