i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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