If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize