I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm getting married
To pizza
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
