Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize