I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
