hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
