i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
