Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
