After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
