We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
