I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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