she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
