i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
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