somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
