i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
