Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
