We're like a lot better than the average bears
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
