either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Semen is not good for contacts.
It's official drugs can't kill me
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize