I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
