My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I enjoy the company of your penis
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
