I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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