Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The uberlube is also flammable
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
