Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
