4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I look better un-naked...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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