Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
