thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
