guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
